1. You look FAKE. If Snooki is your tan-spiration, then congratulations. You look as orange as, well, an orange. If you need directions back to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory to join your fellow Oompa Loompas, let me be your guest.

2. Is it really worth killing yourself over? Your risk for melanoma goes up 75 PERCENT when you tan before the age of 35. Give me one reason why that sounds like a good idea.

3. They’re proven to be carcinogenic to humans. Indoor tanning is in the highest risk category for cancer according to the International Agency for Research on Cancer. You’re just begging for skin cancer every time you crawl into one of those beds.

4. It’s ADDICTIVE. UV radiation has shown to have a druglike effect. It can even come with withdrawal symptoms. Once you start, you can’t stop. So, why start?

5. It’s a waste of money. Starting in July, a 10-percent tax with be required every time you tan. Would you pay to inhale asbestos? Then why would you pay to soak up those sweet cancer filled rays? My point, exactly.

Now you’re heard it. The cold, hard truth. TANNING KILLS. Next time you’re thinking about fake bakin’, remember those five things listed above. There are other ways to get rid of your pale complexion. If you’re really desperate for that orange effect, perhaps try a spray tan. Or, you know, the sun is always there!

• Haley Sytsma (hs.pelladium@gmail.com)

Suzanne Jones’ asset of memorizing long lists of information turned out to be a weakness as well. Math district members Dennis Linn and Doug Cutler recited  , overloading Jones’ brain with numbers. The overflow of numbers literally blew her mind, eliminating her from the teacher games.

Social studies district members Jerod Garland and Mark Solomon teamed up to take on the other candidates. However, they stepped into a mine field, blowing each other sky high. Consequently, the mine field set off a chain reaction, catching Jason Pentico, and Matt Schulte, who were in the area.

While looking for food, Corey Thorson accidentally ran into a beehive of wasps. These were genetically engineered wasps, and the stingers carried harmful hormones. The hormones sent him into rage mode, and as he was running he chanced upon science district member Jeff Siewert. As a means of defense, Siewert whipped up a quick nitrogen bomb, but by the time he detonated it, Thorson had closed in too quickly, trapping both of them within the blast radius. A nice try, but no pie.

English district member Suzy Jones was plotting a clever scheme. Since Jessica Williams was from the same district, Jones knew her weakness to freshly baked cookies. Using a costume from the drama room, she posed as a harmless old woman and lured in Williams with a hot plate of delicious cookies. Williams, not suspecting a thing, fell to the ruse, and Jones disposed of her with a quick whack to the head using a big red literature book. While the big red book may not be the most fun to read, when in doubt, this book can be used as a hefty weapon.

While in hiding, social studies district candidate Bryant Hancock had fashioned homemade grenades. He ran down to the art room and painted it to look like a baseball, intending to use it against math district candidate Wade Van Vark. Hancock laid low, waiting for Van Vark to pass. When Van Vark was in the vicinity, Hancock chucked the baseball grenade and yelled, “Batter up!” Van Vark, with his pro baseball instincts, swung at the ball, hitting it full force with his bat, detonating it. Van Vark had struck out, leaving Hancock the win and another day to live.

Math district candidate Doug Cutler, knowing full well about Dennis Linn’s secret deadly skills, decided to set a trap. He pulled out one of his many tests, and filled in all of the answers incorrectly. He then dropped it near a water source, since Linn would need to find water sometime. Shortly, Linn picked up this test, and being the math teacher he is, started correcting it. Although he can endure a lot of pain, the pain was too much to take this time around. He antagonized over how many wrong answers there were, worrying himself sick over which student could have done such awful work. After five minutes of checking, he worked himself up so much that he succumbed to a heart attack. Math can be so scary sometimes.

•Jillian Sagers

Huang has a long list of activities, including playing instruments such as the violin and the piano. Others include being on student council and the school board advisory committee. He has participated in a few amount of school-related competitions such as the Knowledge Bowl and the Science Bowl. Huang also knows Russian language after spending a summer in Russia.

Huang is attending Swarthmore because of a solid Division III soccer program. He said that Swarthmore provides students and staff who are fantastically witty and also was a part of a town small in size, but only 10 minutes away from Philadelphia.

Being on the varsity team, Huang brings leadership day and night, on and off the field, which has been a part of leading the team to its current success.

“I use my body a lot. I am a smaller guy, and it really benefits me on the field,” said Huang.

Being only 5’7” benefits him of his agility on the field. Huang not only helps his team out by leadership, but by the number of goals he has scored this season.

“For me, the rush comes from within,” said Huang.

Like most people Huang admires the figure of Lionel Messi, a soccer player who plays for the club team of F.C. Barcelona located in Spain. Huang looks up to the fact of Messi’s speed, agility, and the fact that they both play the same position. Huang also looks up to Wayne Rooney, a soccer player that plays for Manchester (England) United.

• Andre Hernandez

Elliott’s average is 41.54, while Lucas Boyd the team leader and state leader has a 37.34 average. “I’ve had a few bad rounds, so I think that my average could be better than it is currently” said Elliott

Elliott plans on going to state as a team, “I’m 100% sure that we will make it to state if we all play a good round.”

Elliott still has three years left in high school and is planning on being first in the state his senior year. He is already looking forward into the future at what college he wants to go to.

“I would like to attend anywhere division II or division I,” he said

Elliott is now ranked the second freshman golfer in the state. The team is advancing to districts on May 18 and Elliott is planning on moving on to state after that. “I think that as a team we will compete and do good at districts,” said Elliott.

The race presented a rare opportunity for these men to put on the costumes and have a good time.

“We have the costumes and don’t have many opportunities to wear them, so we thought the Klompen would be a good time,” said VerSteeg.

• Garret Jansen

For some it is theyr’e first time participating so why not start out with a bang. This was junior Ryan Shull’s first Tulip Time and Klompen since moving from Mount Pleasant in February.

“The most memorable part of the race was probably when we saved a baby squirell from being run over,” said Shull.

The Klompen can be much more enjoyable if you are in a costume, just as long as you don’t go bananas.

“About three steps into the race, I pulled my hamstring, so I guess you could say it was maybe the least comfortable race I’ve ever run,” said Jones.

• Sarah Muller (sm.pelladium@gmail.com)